Haunted Desires

Every night
is cast in a blood
mist.
Every night
I gaze out
and search
and search.

The church
across the street
invites my harvesting
eyes
in
and through the mist
I imagine something
there.

I sense its
presence.

A familiar voice
calling out from the haze,
inviting me with open arms
like an unfilled
grave.

I turn away
denying the very thought
of its existence.

This must be an illusion.

He should be dead.

A frightened soul
lost in another dimension,
trying to be heard,
felt.

Maybe that's me
reaching out to him,
an illusion
I want to believe
in.

Is he there?

Every night
I find myself
gazing
out into the bloody
mist
searching and searching
for him,
wondering
if his ghost will ever
come.

The Only Thing That Should Matter In Your Life

You seek approval
like a cactus searches for water.

Your roots
are sunk deep
in the shitty thoughts of people
who will criticize
your every decision,
degrade your dreams,
hate you
until you are dead.

Yet,
their opinion matters
to you.

You should be above this
negativity,
You should be beyond
free,
soaring,
a weightless spirit
seeking absolutely nothing,
experiencing all
your heart can offer.

Desperation

The toilet flushed,
She stepped out
And headed straight
Towards the kitchen.

Out of the corner
Of all our eyes,
We watched
As she pulled out a knife
And dug its sharpness
Deep
Into her skin.

My aunt
With a newborn baby,
Got to her first.
I jumped next,
Desperately trying to save
Her life.
We wrestled the knife
Away.

The baby yelling,
Exposed
To hell for the first time
In her cursed life.

The family stood in shock.

Blood dripped
On me
As I held her.
“I don’t
Want to
Live
Anymore…”
Was all she could say.

My eyes went blind,
My ears went deaf,
My body went numb,
Her blood still dripped.

She was gone,
Her mind
A cave of madness and misery.
Her suffering
Eternal.

There was no help.
Anywhere.

She needed more than pills
Or doctors,
She needed more,
But what?

And as she got sent
To the madhouse
Again,
A helpless wave of frustration
Possessed me.

What can
I do?
What can
We do?

We are all
Asking
For a miracle.

For the first time
In my life,
I prayed for it.

The Lost Gift

I kept thinking
I’m fucking
My dead baby’s
Soul.

I had its blood
On my fingers, dick
And mouth.

I have never been so turned on…

Scared shitless.
Also.

I felt so
Unprepared to be a father.
The time was not right.
I,
We
Didn’t feel right
Which is why
The baby had to be
Flushed away.

We could not bring a life
Into this pathetic
World,
But there will be more
opportunities.

There will be a chance
For me
To become a
Father.

I hope one day
I’m ready.
I hope one day
I can be mature enough
To handle
This wonderful
Gift.