I'll Pass on Dessert

We found
a pocket pussy.

He claimed
it was his
roommate's.

It was
fucking gross.

My friend
pulled it out
of the box.

I thought,
why?

It was brown
and slimy
and worn out.

It had
more miles on it
than an 101 year old
mexican prostitute.

He inspected it
and started to stick
his finger
in it.

As a joke,
I guess.

I had
no idea
what to do,
especially when
he began
licking
his fingers.

My decision
was made for me.

I did not
want to stick around
and see
what he was having
for dessert.

The First

There I was
sleeping
outside
again.

Usually,
I somewhat
remember
how I got there,
but on this
occasion,
I did not
recall
anything.

I time traveled.

Yes,
I am
the first person
in the history
of the world
to conquer
the unconquerable.

How did I do it?

Well, well,
it was all too simple.

All I did was:
go to the bar,
had 4 beers,
leave my 5th beer
unattended,
have a stranger
roofie it.

The rest was history.

I ended up in
tomorrow.

The night was gone.

I was in my room.

My butthole hurt
a lil,
but it's a small price
to pay
for being
the first.

Our Furry Angel

We finally
got a house.

It was my mom's
first
and it was nice
and big
and ours.

We got dogs too.

3 of them.

Life was good.

We were happy.

The dogs too.

Until the economy
went to shit.

My mom
could no longer
afford much
of anything.

She lost
her house,
her mind,
her dog.

His name was Jett.

A family friend
took him in.

They had a daughter
who had cancer.

They met.

Jett
made her smile.

The first time
since she was given
her death wish.

She forgot about
everything
and just played
with him.

He was her miracle.

People may not believe it,
but he
took her cancer
away.

She went on
to become a child
once more.

He gave her life.

He gave his life.

After he died,
everyone
was devastated.

We had lost
our furry angel.

But,
he did
his part.

He did
what the doctors
failed at.

Repeatedly.

All of this
happened
for a reason.

We wouldn't
take back
a single
moment.

I Prefer Life

We have to wait
for experience.

It's the only way.

Without it,
we are all
children.

Playing in a field
getting stung
by beetles
and stepping in shit.

Shit helps.

But it's not enough.

We need
incarceration,
mutilation,
humiliation.

Everything
we don't
want.

Because
if we were left
in that field,
We'd be
finished.

Extinct.

Like the rest.

Do you
want that?

I sure as fuck
don't.

Explains A Lot

We were at a softball game.

Well,
we were
no where
near it.

We were
on top of a
shed,
looking down.

It was about
10 feet
up.

I got
a lil too close
to the edge.

Gravity
took hold.

When I awoke,
I tasted
gravel
in my mouth.

It was actually
bits
of my
teeth.

My head began
to hurt.

I heard the crack
of the bat.

Someone hit
a home run.

I got up
and walked
toward the screams.

My mind
stayed there.