She had three different children
with three different men,
all
of the so-called "fathers"
failed her
and her children.
She survived
on her own
working, paying the bills, caring for the kids,
barely getting by,
but
still getting by.
Then,
one night
her son died in a car accident.
The most awful moment
of her life.
She wept and wept
until her light blue night gown
was soaked
with tears
and the sun rose up
forgetting to dry them.
The years moved on,
somehow.
She received a settlement
to make up for her tragic loss,
with the money
she got her own house,
something she thought she'd never
possess,
but there she was
moving in furniture and planting roses.
The house
had only cost her
a son...
Was his death worth it?
In her mind
never.
The house's walls
built up her depression,
boiled her blood,
and strangled her spirit.
Suicide
was attempted
again and again,
but she couldn't bring herself
to lose her other two children.
She had to carry on
with life
and support them
and be strong.
She always had
to be strong.
Depression still lingered,
money dwindled,
bills piled to the ceiling,
she didn't work much,
she couldn't.
She lost the house,
her dream,
her life,
her child.
She's moving again
like she has
many, many times before.
Depression will no doubt
settle
right in
with her,
put holes in the roof,
clog the toilet,
and break her heater
on the coldest of winter nights.
Will there ever
be an end?
Will she ever
persevere?
Will she still
be strong?
Will she
survive?
Or will her tragedies
continue to bloom
and laugh
in the rain?
I really like this. I haven't seen your poetry since Spring 2010 but this is pretty great.
ReplyDeleteSome of the repetition could be cleaned up. Along with some stanza breaks could be changed to help the flow but, you know. small things. It's the pushing story of yours that you played into the longer fiction piece you showed me in class last year.
The prose piece had more passion and held a fast account of the situation but is taking it in a different POV.
I dislike the last stanza. Those questions are already posed in the subtext and don't need to be reiterated. I reckon you could finish the piece on "clog the toilets/break her heater/on the coldest of winter nights".
If you don't feel like you have capture the feelings and questioning that comes up in the last stanza I would go back through the piece and try to convey it more through subtext.
Anyway, yeah. Thats some thoughts for ya.