Sunday, December 29, 2013

Apocawho?

Man
often thinks of
the end.

Where everything is
dead or
dying or
drowned
in an endless sea
of ash,
of yesterday.

He prepares
everyday
for this
demise.

Forgetting about how
blessed
he is
to be alive
and how
everything is
perfect and
divine.

Immaculate.

His only vision
is
the great
death.

Such horror
ruins
his life,
his family's,
his dog's.

However, these
preparations
are
short lived.

The end never comes.

He will
once again
remember
how sweet it is
to be alive
in the here
and now.

Forgetting about
anything
to do with
the apocalypse.

Just simply enjoying
a cup of tea
on a nice spring day.

That's when
God
arrives.

On a golden pig
with wings that
block out
the sun.

Hooves will
dive down
and knock over
his cup
and spill hot tea
all over
his lap.

The end
he gave up on
soiling
his pants.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Looking For Love

I told her,
I loved her bones.

She laughed.

I told her,
I loved her organs.

She smiled.

I told her,
I loved her blood.

She smirked.

I told her,
I loved her veins.

She was quiet.

I told her,
I loved her so much,
I wanted to be
inside her
and use her like a quilt.

She remained quiet.

I told her,
I'd love to live
inside her
and make her do
awful, evil things
like
set the elderly
on fire
and throw her feces
at infants.

She ran away.

Damn, I thought,
what did I do wrong
now?

I was about to
ask her
to marry
me.

She wanted
to be married
ever since
she was a
child.

I guess
my love
is not
for everyone,
especially those
without
a sense
of humor.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Recess

Leave me in a playground.

Let the kids
poke me
with sticks
and throw rocks
at my head.

Let them 
talk
to me
and become friends
with my corpse.

Let them 
do
whatever
they want 
to me.

What would I care
if I'm dead?

Keep your money.

Spend mine.

I don't need
a fancy funeral
with hundreds of
starving for attention
mourners
crying,
disturbing my soul's
beauty sleep.

No embalming either.

Let the worms
clear me out.

Let the kids
dig the worms
right out of me
and use them
as bait 
to catch fish
with their pedophile uncle.

Do 
absolutely
whatever
you
wish.

Just don't waste anymore 
time
over something 
as useless 
as my corpse.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Another Morning

This morning
was the greatest morning
of my life.

I was hungover,
on the verge of
puking
in an empty bed.

That's when
I saw
the most
pleasant
face
anyone
could ever
wake up to.

She was smiling
and that very
smile
took away all
my sickness.

Her smile,
I'm convinced,
can take away
all
of the sickness
in this world.

Her smile
is the only reason
I want to live
forever.

There is no
greater feeling
than when
her smile
is genuine,
heartfelt,
and directed
right
at
me.

Not only that, but
that smile also
brought me breakfast.

So,
when they assk me
on my death bed
to describe
the greatest morning
of my life,
I'll tell them
to read this poem.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Blind Date

You smell
like a dead person's
fart.

That's what she told me.

I took a whiff.

I did.

I regurgitated
a lil
in my mouth.

Not now,
I thought,
being dead is shitty.

Can you get me some cologne?
I asked politely.

Sure,
she said,
and ran off
inside her house.

I sprayed some on.

Is that better?

She said so,
and took me by the hand
to meet her mother.

She's really nice.

I didn't believe her.

I don't like
blind dates,
dead or alive.

Mommy,
my friend wants to meet you!!

Who is it?!

He's my good friend,
I just met hit
by the train tracks,
his name's Ray.

He's really, really cute.

She came down
and saw me.

I guess I still smelled
because she fainted.

Mommy?

She was obese,
but cute.

I picked her up and carried her
to her bed.

I stuck my tongue
in her mouth.

She moaned.

I groaned.

She opened her eyes,
panic possessed her mouth.

She separated my tongue
from my rotting mouth.

I began to bleed
all over her
rolls.

She liked it,
or at least,
this
is what I told myself.

I pulled down my pants
and tried jerking it
for her.

My skin peeled off.

She ran away in horror.

Anti-whore.

Damn,
I continued in my loathing,
I hate blind dates.

I pulled my pants up
and went to her daughter.

Where's the computer?

Thank you.

I punched in
Match.com
and started filling out
my profile.

Now this is more like it.

At least,
they can't
smell
me.

Picture time!