New Rock: Bosnian Rainbows

It was devastating to find out that the Mars Volta broke up. They were our Led Zeppelin. They were psychedelic, mysterious, talented, and just plain amaze balls. That is until mountains of shit rains down from god's butthole and we are left here to clean up the mess. Fuck. Oh well, c'est la vie. Some people go on and get fat. Some people create more music, which is what the extremely talented and prolific Omar Rodriquez-Lopes did. PS, his name is like the hispanic version of Billy Bob, you think? Well, Billy bob went on to create Bosnian Rainbows. Though they are not as good as MV, but they stand on their own, largely impart thanks to Teri Gender Bender. Another great name. She or he sings hauntingly beautiful and perfectly compliments Omar's experimental guitars and the rest of the bands fucked up trippy creations. Their music is perfect to listen to on a cloudy day, when all you want to feel is the void between your body and the outside world. If you're doing that now, then watch the damn video belows.

New Metal: Thulcandra

Dissection is one of the greatest metal bands of all time. When I first heard "The Somberlain" I was completely blown away. It was what metal was supposed to represent. The darkness, the melody, satanic lyrics, and screams and drums and all of it captivated my impressionable rebellious mind. Then, the fucker died. Leaving a void in metal scene. Years later, enter Thulcandra. If you have not heard of them and you like Dissection even a lil bit, then you need to get on this band. They are not that well known, but fuck do they have talent and massive potential, especially with Steffen Kummerer being the founding member, who also happens to be the founding member of Obscura. The other founder, surprise surprise, died of suicide. It all adds to allure of the band. Well, maybe. Either way it's metal, which can be dumb as fuck, but it can also be pure fucking gold. Like this band. Like their video below. Enjoy.

Quija: Origin Of Evil

Possessing lil girls seems to be the way to go if  you want to scare the shit out of people. At the same time, it's played the fuck out. There's gotta be a better thing for demons to possess. Definitely not dolls nor buttholes. How about our phones? We are obsessed with them. They practically run our lives. Just an idea. That's where I saw an ad for Ouija:Origin of Evil a couple of months ago. I saw that lil girl's white eyes and I knew she could crush my pathetic scared shitless soul into a bloody pulp. And she did. But honestly only a couple of times. They could've done so much more with her. There was soooo much potential. They must have not wanted to fully unleash her evil, until the sequel? I have no fucking clue why, but it's like come on. The story was not that original and there wasn't too much gore. It was just her and she kicked ass when she was possessed. I just wanted more of it. I, however, did like the effects and the way they did her voice and eyes and mouth. I also liked how it was a bit insane. It was also definitely better than any of those other Ouija board movies. Those were just plain awful. Now, how would I rate it among other possessed movies? Say like again the Exorcist or Slither? Well, they both are 10 and this motherfucker is a 5. There I said it. Now go and watch a horror movie for fuck sakes! It's Halloween!

Best quote: "Looks like something that fell off my dick during the war."

Underground Hip Hop at its Finest

Rap today does not suck. Sure there's a good portion that does blow a rhino's horn and I'm talking about the one below and above the belt. Willie the Kid is here to show y'all hip hop is alive and well or at least, rising above its own grave pulling worms out of its mouth and anus and pouring them into the ears of those who are willing to stay up late at night searching. Yes, the search can run for hours on end. But good music is aplenty. Don't believe me? Feast your ears and your eyes with this tasty cut. Did I mention, his whole album was done by none other than the infamous Alchemist?

The Land of Procrastination

People in California
don't buy
windshield wipers.

Until it actually
rains.

There's lines
out the doors
of every auto shop.

It makes me wonder,
if they wait
this long
for wipers,
what else
are they stalling on?

Haircuts?

Happiness?

There's no happy shop around here.

If they were more
prepared,
they might have had
a fighting
chance.

But this is California.

The land of Procrastination.

Best Underground Metal

Gruesome is some of the best metal I've heard in a long time. They are the bastard children of Death and anything ol school metal. Their sound is perfect. Their lyrics are gory as fuck. Their videos are cheesy and brutal. Their packages are large. Need I say more? Don't believe me? Check them out for yourself. Can't you smell blood in the air? I know I can. Bang your heads!

My Favorite Movie

Everyone has idols. Mine just happens to be an asshole alcoholic, who happens to also be a poet. I like to think of him, not just as a fucked up mentor, but even as a father figure. You might know him as Charles Bukowski. When people ask me, who's my favorite author, I tell them. In response, they usually cringe and are immediately repulsed by me. I pay them no mind. They don't write. They don't even know how to live.
Below is a clip from a movie he wrote back in the 80s. Most of the lines in this movie are pure genius, but you might not be able to tell because he covers them in filth. I love every second of it. Maybe you will too. Perhaps even start digging in deeper to this asshole's assholalog.

What's Your History?

We do not know
the history
of the world.

It is hidden
behind
the thoughts of strangers.

We do catch glimpses.

Here and there.

Checking into hotel rooms,
buying food,
having a drink,
or sitting at the park.

History unfolds itself.

The lies,
the secrets,
the blessings,
the curses,
our stories
finally told.

There are no other records
for them.

Only what we choose
to keep
in our hearts.

Brotherhood of the Traveling Man Thongs

An absurd
amount of patience
is required
when traveling,
as well as
an optimistic outlook
in the most
dismal
of places,
otherwise,
you're fucked.

Just ask
the man I saw
shitting
on the streets
during a rainy
San Francisco
night.