The Degenerate Hero Blues

I woke up to a pissed bed.
I got up half-soaked and stubbed my toe,
I think it’s broken.
I began to put on my underwear, shirt, pants, and socks,
I realized they all had bleach stains.
I left them on and went to the kitchen,
Poured myself a bowl of cereal,
A roach fell out of the box.
I picked it out and poured some milk,
It was sour.
I threw it all away including my clothes and went take my morning shit,
When I was done the toilet didn’t flush.
Then, I heard the phone ring,
So I left my bowels and answered,
It was my boss,
Don’t bother coming in to work today,
He said,
We caught you masterbating on the job.
We’ll mail you your final check.
He hung up before I could yell
FUCK YOU!
I went back to try and fix the toilet,
When I heard the phone ring again.
Hello?
It was my girlfriend.
It’s over,
She said.
She’s running off with my cousin
And yes,
He’s got a bigger cock.
I threw the phone against the wall and went back to the bathroom.
A few minutes later
A small victory occurred,
The toilet flushed,
The shit was gone,
Out of my sight
Just like my breakfast, my clothes, my woman,
And my job.
I celebrated,
Cracked open a beer,
Put on some Turbonegro
And waited for more bad luck
To creep toward my door.