I Will Keep the Torch

I could see it
in his eyes.

The forbidden pleasure.

I could smell it
on his penis.

The lotion of lust.

I could not tell you
what I was doing.

I do not
want to recall
the sickness
that spewed out
onto my hands
and into my mind

forever distorting
any promises
of having a normal
sex life.

Now,
they tell me
there is no wrong
or right
and I want to believe
them,
but it seems
impossible.

There must be some
exceptions?

Right?

It appears as though,
I still have
no clue
as to what I am doing.

I have no answers,
but one thing
I do know is,
this torch
will not be
passed on.

It will, however,
burn inside me.

It will burn me
in my grave.

It will burn me
until I see his eyes
again.

Only then
can I tell you
the true meaning
of a horrible
daydream.