Through My Dreams

came a vision
of the future
or was it
the past?

Well,
either way,
it was a glimpse of
what could have been
if my brother
was still alive
today.

It was pathetic.

He was a fat junkie.
I was even more of a drunken idiot.
My cousin was miles beyond worthless.

Together,
we brought down the family.

We used them,
we used each other,
we used everybody
at every chance.

Nothing was sacred.

Our reality was a nightmare.

It's not now.

I don't want to say it,
but maybe,
just maybe,
this was all
meant
to happen.

He was destined to die
young,
to become a star,
to guide us
through our suicidal nights,
through our painstaking days,
through all of our depressing dreams
and impossible reality.

Through my dreams
I think
I can believe

the truth.