The Way I Was Meant to Live

My face isn't right.

I need a new one.

One that won't
wrinkle
and only
expresses happiness.

Then,
I can finally
feel good about myself.

I also need a
new dick.

Mine's much too small.

Well I'm at it,
might as well get a new
butthole.

Mine's
much too stinky
and it's
far
too heavy.

I don't like my toes either.

Same with my back.

It has
too many scars.

I might as well
get a new
life.

This one's boring.

There's only
one way
to solve this.

Where's my computer?

Here it is,
google,
ok,
search,
hot air balloons.

Perfect.

Where's my phone?

Here it is,
666-2013,
hello...

Today at 12?

Perfect.

Honey,
I'll be back,
trying something new today...

Excuse me sir,
how high
does this balloon
go?

8,000 feet?

Perfect.

Do you think anybody can
survive?

The fall.

No?

Perfect.

I'll see you miserable fucks
in my next life,
when I'm famous
and beautiful and
rich.

The way I was meant to live.